Things I Won't Leave

Before I being the real me, I always be a fake. I hided everything. I didn't lie, but I hided everything. I made fake smiles though tears dropped. I said, "I'm okay." but I'm not okay at all.

And then, after all things I hate I've been do it, I tired. I tired to being the old me who always pretend everything fine. I tired to hold my tears alone. I tired try to stay strong but I didn't. I tired to be fake. I hate all of those. I tried to change everything but I realized it was hardest things I've ever do. I couldn't show when I cry, so it's always be fake smile. I can't.

Then, when I tried to find my own way from zero, build the real myself, I saw light up head. I tried to catch it and get out from the darkest side of me, the saddest thing of my life.

You know who helped me?

God.

God told me that I shouldn't give up anytime. God told me I have to fight for what I need and what I wish. God told me to appreciate everything before ask again. God told me that light I tried to catch is not far away. It was near. And then God brought me directions. God asked me to walk alone following the dark way to the bright way. God told me to always remember don't see to the back. God told me to do whatever I want, but I shouldn't do what He doesn't want. And I found my own way. I build anything from zero, from the beginning. Thank's God, for everything.

But when I crossed a bridge, sign that there will a problem of your life, small or big, easy or hard, I need one thing.

Friends. Best-Friends. Love. Family.

I have family.

I have best-friends.

I have friends.

But I realized I haven't love.

I didn't build my love-life again. I scared I'll fall again and I have to start again. I was afraid I'll disappointed of. I was afraid my heart will crack off again. After all of my tears, after all of my hates, after all of my love thrown, after all of my care erased, I didn't believe of love. I didn't trust any boy to bring me love. I hate to be denied. I hate to be promised. I hate to be loved. I hate to be adored. I hate to be cared. I hate to be smiled of. And all of my scares, the most important is, I hate to fall.

Do you know the time you came it was changed it all?

All of my perception about love.

All of my unfilled side.

You brought your laughs to my life.

You brought your smile to my heart.

You brought your voice to my mind.

And do you know I'm not afraid of all I've been afraid before just because of you?

I love when you keep your cool when you're mess up.

I love when you talk to me.

I love when you're laugh.

I love how you smile.

I love the way you walk.

I love your writings.

I love your signature.

I love your funny fact.

I love your fun stories.

I love how you ask me something and let me explain.

I love when you're run.

I love when you're forbid me to do something then I realize it's not good things I will do.

I love how you call my name.

I love your eyes.

I love how you see my eyes deeply.

I love your voice.

I love your music.

I love when you're play guitar.

I love everything about you.

Thank's for helped me in dark without realize it.

I know I can't hope you this high. But God told me to not giving up before you fight. Everybody says that I have to fight anything for getting you.